There are many issues and situations that can contribute to someone's decision to end his/her life, but the person's feelings about those circumstances are more important than the circumstances themselves. All people who consider suicide feel that life is unbearable. Like there is no reason for them to live. They have an extreme sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and desperation. With some types of mental illness, people may hear voices or have delusions which prompt them to kill themselves.
People who talk about committing suicide or make an attempt do not necessarily want to die. Most often, they are reaching out for help. Sometimes, a suicide attempt becomes the turning point in a person's life if there is enough support to help him/her make necessary changes.
If someone you know is feeling desperate enough to commit suicide, you may be able to help him/her find a better way to cope. If you yourself are so distressed that you cannot think of any way out except by 'ending it all,' remember, help for your problems is available!
Studies show that more than 90 percent of suicide victims have a diagnosable psychiatric illness. People with mood disorders are at a predominately high risk of suicide – both major depression and bipolar disorder account for 15 to 25 percent of all deaths by suicide in patients with mood disorders.
In Canada, suicide accounts for 24 percent of all deaths among 15-24 year olds and 16 percent among 16-44 year olds. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for Canadians between the ages of 10 and 24.
Suicide is rarely a spur of the moment kind of decision. Those who struggle with suicidal thoughts most often contemplate suicide for days, or weeks. There are usually warning signs. The clearest, strongest and most disturbing signs are statements made such as – "I can’t go on," "Why am I living?" "Nothing matters any more" or even "I’m thinking of ending it all." These verbal remarks should always be taken seriously.
Of course, in most cases these situations do not lead to suicide. But, generally, the more signs a person displays, the higher the risk of suicide.
Other common warning signs and behviours include:
- Becoming depressed, quiet or withdrawn
- Behaving recklessly
- Getting affairs in order and giving away valued possessions
- Showing a marked change in behavior, attitudes or appearance
- Abusing drugs or alcohol
- Suffering a major loss or life change
- Crying
- Fighting
- Breaking the law
- Impulsiveness
- Self-mutilation
- Writing about death and suicide
- Previous suicidal behaviour
- Extremes of behaviour
- Changes in behaviour
Other situations that may happen that could contribute to thoughts of suicide are:
- Family history of suicide or violence
- Sexual or physical abuse
- Death of a close friend or family member
- Divorce or separation, ending a relationship
- Failing academic performance, impending exams, exam results
- Job loss, problems at work
- Impending legal action
- Recent imprisonment or upcoming release
- Lack of energy
- Disturbed sleep patterns – sleeping too much or too little
- Loss of appetite
- Sudden weight gain or loss
- Increase in minor illnesses
- Change of sexual interest
- Sudden change in appearance
- Lack of interest in appearance
If you are worried that someone may be suicidal, honestly do not be afraid to take action. If you can, talk with that person directly. The single-most important thing you can do is give your fill attention, listen attentively and do not judge.
Talking about suicide can only decrease the likelihood that someone actually will act on suicidal feelings.
Find a safe and comfortable place to talk with the person face to face. Let that person know your genuine concern and that you respect their privacy. Gently encourage him/her to express their feelings freely and openly.
Ask whether the person feels desperate enough to consider suicide. If the answer is yes, as hard as it is to ask, 'Do you have a plan? How and where do you intend to kilI yourself?'
Be honest and admit your own personal concern and fear if the person tells you that he/she is thinking about suicide but do not react by saying this like, 'You have a great life, Don't overreact, You shouldn't be having these thoughts; things can't be that bad.'
You have to remember, you are being trusted with someone's deepest feelings. Although it may upset you, and be totally hard to hear talking about those feeling will bring the person great relief.
Ask if there is anything you can do. Talk about resources that can be drawn on (family, friends, community agencies, crisis centers) to provide support and assistance, counseling or treatment.
Make a plan with the person for the next few hours or days. Make contacts with him/her or on his/her behalf. If possible, go with the person to get help.
Let the person know when you can be available, and then make sure you are available at those times. Also, make sure your limits are known, and try to arrange that there is always someone that he/she can call at any time of day.
Ask who else knows about the suicidal feelings. Are there other people who should know? Is the person willing to tell them? Unfortunately, not everyone will treat this issue sensitively. Confidentiality is important, but do not keep the situation a secret if a life is obviously in danger.
Stay in touch to see how he/she is doing. Praise the person for having the courage to trust you and for continuing to live and struggle. It is very hard for someone to talk about such deep and disturbing feelings.
What to do following a suicide attempt....
A person may try to commit suicide without warning or despite efforts to help. If you are involved in giving first aid, make every effort to be calm and reassuring, and get medical help immediately.
The time following an attempt is absolutely critical. The person should receive intensive care during this time. Maintain regular contact, and work with the person to organize support. It is vital that he/she does not feel cut off or shunned or embarrassed as a result of attempting suicide.
Be aware that, if someone is intent on dying, you may not be able to stop it from happening. You cannot and should not carry the responsibility for someone else's choice.
If you are feeling suicidal...
The beginning of the way out is to let someone else in. This is totally hard to do because, if you feel so desperate that suicide seems to be the only solution, you are likely very frightened and embarrassed . There is no reason to be ashamed of feeling suicidal and absolutely no reason to feel ashamed for seeking help. As I have always said, you are not alone; many people have felt suicidal when facing difficult times and have survived, usually returning to normal lives.
Take the risk of telling your feelings to someone you know and trust: a relative, friend, social service worker, or a member of the clergy for your religion. There are many ways to cope and get support. The sense of desperation and the wish to die will not go away at once, but it will pass. Regaining your will to live is more important than anything else at the moment.
Some things that you can do are:
- call a crisis telephone support line,
- draw on the support of family and friends,
- talk to your family doctor; he/she can refer you to services in the community, including counselling and hospital services,
- set up frequent appointments with a mental health professional, and request telephone support between appointments, · get involved in self-help groups,
- talk every day to at least one person you trust about how you are feeling,
- think about seeking help from the emergency department of a local hospital,
- talk to someone who has 'been there' about what it was like and how he/she coped,
- avoid making major decisions which you may later regret.
If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal and you need more information about resources in your area, contact a community organization, such as the Canadian Mental Health Association, which can help you find additional support.
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